Downtown, the liquor stores and bars were still going strong. Flickering neon lights pointed towards liquor stores and ignited the black air with some excitement. Two men chatted outside, laughing hoarsely and passing a bottle contained in a paper bag. A lonesome old man stood outside on his porch, rocking back and forth, and smoking a cigarette. Further down the street, the door of the platoon swung open with every new person arriving at the bar. The light mist, dark blanket of the night, and glow of the street signs added an air of excitement and lust everywhere in sight. I snapped out of my trance, realizing that I had been staring at everybody for the past minute or so, wide-eyed. I stood with my hands in my pockets, shivering from the cold. I could see the liquor store, it was just across the street. Only feet away. Adrenaline pumped through my body, I felt weak yet exhilarated at the same time. I felt a playful punch on my left arm. "Well?", Abby giggled, "are you gonna do it. She asked me abruptly whether I felt different. I understood what she was really asking. She didn't know how far I meant to go. She feared that while I was away I'd be seduced by perverts, or that I'd go gay. She worried that I might not be a mere transvestite but was an out-and-out transsexual in process of self-discovery, that I'd now want to alter my body from my skin on out. That I'd already swallowed handfuls of female hormones, or gotten my skin pumped plump with them. That I'd already set a date for surgeons to turn my penis inside out to line a functioning vagina, and to empty my scrotum for reshaping as vaginal labia. To make me a woman ready to receive men in fact as well as in appearance. She'd read about these things. She knew that hundreds, thousands of former men became New Women every year. Though she knew that many or most remain heterosexual, or "lesbians," she knew that many change in their desires. That Nature doesn't always get things right, that the.
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